The Truth About IEPs: They’re Not a Gift, They’re a Right

Jenna Urban
Jul 20
2 min read

Updated: Jul 20

If you're a parent walking into your first (or tenth) IEP meeting feeling like you’re asking for a favor—you’re not alone. Schools are really good at making parents feel that way.

But here’s the truth no one tells you when your child first gets labeled with special education needs:An IEP is not a gift. It’s not a privilege. It’s not a favor schools can grant or deny.

It’s a legal right.

Full stop.

And it’s time parents stop being made to feel grateful for receiving what their child is entitled to.

What an IEP Actually Is

An Individualized Education Program (IEP) is a legally binding document. It exists because of a federal law—the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA). This law says your child has the right to a Free and Appropriate Public Education (FAPE), tailored to their unique needs.

Translation?The school isn’t “letting” your child access services. They’re required to provide them. By law.

Speech therapy? Occupational therapy? A para? Specialized curriculum? Assistive tech?Those aren’t optional. They’re rights.

Why Schools Act Like They’re Doing You a Favor

Let’s be honest: schools are underfunded and overwhelmed. But that doesn’t excuse the culture of scarcity they project onto parents.

When schools act like they're “generously” providing services:

It makes parents less likely to advocate for more.
It shifts power away from families.
It keeps kids from getting the full supports they need.

But your child’s education isn’t a budget item. And your advocacy isn’t an inconvenience.

You’re Not Asking for More—You’re Asking for Enough

If you’ve ever been told:

“We don’t offer that here.”
“We can’t provide that service.”
“He’s doing fine as he is.”

Pause. And remember:You’re not asking for extras.You’re asking for what your child needs to access an education on equal footing.

Don’t let “doing fine” be the bar. Your child deserves to thrive, not survive.

The Emotional Toll of Being Gaslit

Let’s talk about the emotional reality. As a mom who’s fought this fight, I know firsthand:The constant pushback wears you down. You start second-guessing yourself. You wonder if you’re being “that parent.” Spoiler: you’re not.

Here’s your permission slip to advocate loudly.Your child deserves a parent who refuses to be dismissed.

How to Shift the Power Back

Know your rights. Learn IDEA, FAPE, and Section 504. Knowledge = power.
Document everything. Email follow-ups after meetings. Written requests. Keep records.
Use the word “legally.” It changes the tone. (“Under IDEA, my child is legally entitled to…”)
Bring support. An advocate, a friend, a partner. Don’t go alone.
Don’t apologize for advocating. Ever.

What I Wish Someone Told Me

If I could go back and tell myself one thing before walking into Jack’s first IEP meeting, it would be this:“You’re not begging. You’re demanding what’s already yours.”

Because every service, every modification, every support plan—your child is already entitled to them. Your role isn’t to ask.It’s to insist.